My Sun's Own Clean Break
by KHJT1010131450
Summary: *One Shot* Jacob would get hurt. It was inevitable, and I knew I would be the one who caused it. So what was the best option for me to choose for the man who saved my life? Maybe it was his own Clean Break...


**I love Jacob; I admit it! There is nothing better than a good, cuddly ball of fur to pretend to be cuddling up to on an overly heated summers evening!**

Or maybe not. Personally, Edward is still my favourite (I much prefer the cold), but I can't help but feel sorry for poor Jacob.

**Anyway, I better get on with the story before I go into a rant about the pros and cons of both Jacob and Edward (Though that is a good idea for another one shot :) )**

I'm not sure if it's easier to leave suddenly, and know that he's going through what I had done several months before when my own love left me, or to tell him that I'm abandoning him, and watch him suffer as I pack my bags and wave goodbye to my Sun.

I suppose whatever option I chose, he's going to be in pain. More pain than anything I could ever go through. At least I thought that Edward didn't love me anymore, and that he could be happy without me. No, Jacob will know exactly how I feel. He'll know I love him. He'll know that I care for him.

And he'll know that he's just not enough for me.

Ironic that, that him, a almighty werewolf, capable of feats so much more noble than my own, simply isn't enough for me, and weak, pathetic human, trapped in a world only meant for those beings of fiction I call my loved ones. But it's true. He's not enough for me, because I've got someone I love so much more.

He's growing distant even now. Whenever I call at his house, Billy makes an excuse as to why he can't see me. I smile at Billy, and he says that he will tell Jake I called by, but I can see the resentment in his eyes. He knows I broke his only son's heart, and he hates me for it. I don't blame him; I deserve all the hate I can get.

Whenever I try to speak to him, I am bitterly reminded that this is how he went when he first found out he was a werewolf. Except at that point the was trying to protect me. Is he just trying to protect himself with the agony I present now?

I can picture him now, sitting on his bed, battered and bruised, injuries caused by a war that was all my fault in the first place. His face in contorted in pain, and I'm not sure whether it's because of the fact that one half of his body was crushed by a vicious newborn, or because of all the emotional turmoil I'm putting him through by my very presence. I hope that it's the first option, that at some point in the future he'll forget about me.

And that's my decision. He will forget about me. I will ask Edward to change me, and I will never cast my eyes to Jacob Black again. He will imprint, and love her more than he could ever love me. His face will never contort in pain that I caused. He will never cast his eyes down in shame and tears fall delicately over his face, leaving trails of torture on his perfect skin. And he will never think of me again. A clean break, that's what he needs.

And that's where my perfect fantasy world ends and fades into a perfect glittering dust.

Edward loved me. Edward saw how much danger he was putting me in. Edward was strong enough to let me go for what he thought was the best possible life for me. Edward gave me my very own clean break.

And look where we ended up.

Tears burn down my cheeks as I finally come to terms with what I'm doing to my Jake. I'm killing him, just like Edward killed me back on my eighteenth birthday. He'll suffer while I'm gone. He'll try to act normal for Billy, but Billy will see through the cracks in Jacob's charade with ease. He wont be a person anymore, he wont even be a wolf. He'll be a hollow casket of the boy I once knew. He wont smile, or laugh, and he will never experience those perfect moments of blissful peacefulness again, because every moment of his pitiful existence will be contorted with the agonizing memory of what could have been.

Just like me.

He'll go to school, come home, eat, drink, sleep, and spend the rest of his life trying desperately not to remember me, trying to live a normal life without me, but terrified to forget the days we spent together on La Push beach. He'll have a gaping hole in his chest, where I had previously filled him with hope. He'll tug on the grips of his own sanity, willing it to stay with him, but eventually, after months of fighting, he'll want to give up, because without his love, he'll see no point to his life at all.

Just like me.

He wont care about himself anymore. He'll take that bike out to the cliffs everyday, willing himself to step onto the gas peddle, to glide gently over the edge of the rocks and fall gracefully into the foaming waters below him. Like a fire burning at his soul, the idea of eternal peace will taunt him, tearing at the edges of his mind. And just as he's about to end it all, he'll hear me calling out to him. I wont really be there, just a faded memory at the corners of his mind. But it will save him, knowing that overtime he did this he'd hear my voice ring in his ears like a thousand bells all chiming in one glorious harmony of love.

Just like me.

One day, he'll ride his bike out to the rocks. He'll park it in the same place he does everyday, because it's the same place I jumped from. It will be years after I left, or maybe just months. He'll take a deep breath, and wonder for a moment where I am, and if I'm happy with 'the bloodsucker' still. The picture of Edward and I will rip at his heart with more intensity than ever before. It will burn on his arteries and slice at the wounded muscle of his heart. 'I wonder if this is what she felt during the transformation.' He'll think, but will be in too much agony to think about that for much longer. And with that, he'll turn the ignition, and place his foot on the peddle.

"Jacob! Stop this! Go back to Billy!" I'll scream at him from inside his head, and he'll smile in bliss.

"Why?" He'll utter aloud, not a care as to if anyone would hear.

"Because You can't die now Jake! You just can't!"

"And what are you going to do about it if I do?" He will grin bitterly. And I wont reply, because how can a faded picture of a human once alive save a boy who is torn and broken from ultimate peace?

"That's what I thought." He'll mutter, and the voice mimicking me inside his head will start to panic. She'll sob, cry, scream, but Jake will have forgotten about her. All he'll see now is that perfect picture of Edward and myself, smiling and content in our own little world.

A world that he will never feature in.

"I love you, Bella, much more than you could ever love me." He'll cry hopelessly, tears streaming delicately down his face. At this point, the Bella inside his head will be screaming out his name in agony, pleading with him desperately, but he wont care.

And with that, he'll press his foot down on the peddle. The tires will screech below him, but to him all will be silent. He'll fall carelessly into the abyss below him, and finally be free.

When I had attempted my own suicide, Jacob had pulled me from the sea, and saved my life single handed, but who will save Jacob? Will Quil, or will he be too busy entertaining Claire to notice that Jacob isn't on the cliffs like he normally is? Will Embry, or will he be making bets with Jared over when Paul's temper will become too much and When he'll phase? Will Sam, as leader of the pack, Save Jacob from the harsh waters, or will he understand the torment Jake's going to go through, and let him go?

I could do that to him. I could kill the man who saved my life, The man who worked through the hardest point in my life with me. I could destroy the man who was, and still is, the best friend I ever had. I could watch as he is eaten up from the inside by his own memories, just like I was.

Could I do that to my sun?

**Good? Bad? Too much Jacob pain? Yes to the last, but I would still love to here from you! Hint Review! Hint **


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